So drunk its hurt
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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