Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize