Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he thought i was a dude.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i out mim tonsoeep
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