I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Farmville is her only friend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
