I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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