I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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