My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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