i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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