DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
