There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
