i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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