Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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