I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
