And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
