actually, I'm a sock model
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
