i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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