When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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