I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
