farters have to be the big spoon...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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