yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Randomize
