had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
