She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
