the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
