Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
