I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
