This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Life is so much better after having sex.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
