im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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