maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
