ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
