Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
