just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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