Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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