so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
