i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
