That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
third nipple confirmed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
