Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
