Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
