So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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