you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
