the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
