who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
