he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
