I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
