Nicole vs. Life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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