we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
