Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
