My hair reeks of homosexuality.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
