just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
