Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
