Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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