this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
