i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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