I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, beer. Big fan.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
