i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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