sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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