then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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