I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Randomize
