i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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