his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
