end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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