hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
