The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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