Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
