that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my vagina is haunted
that's an acceptable place to lick
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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