hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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