wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
