when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
