I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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