once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
