i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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