And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
