sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
