I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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